There’s a difference between being hurt and having trust issues and “not being mature enough to handle it.” To think, I actually thought you’ve learned. Maybe me being hesitant about this whole situation was a sign and I should’ve been more blunt and cold hearted about it but I ended up being soft and hopeful. And look where we are now, back to square one. I should have trusted my gut. None of this would’ve happened.
The last time I was there it was for my Uncle Lito’s viewing. Prior to that it was for my Uncle Tony and Nanay Lily’s viewing. I’m not very fond of that place. I kind of despise going there. Every time I drive past the chapel, it reminds me of Nay. It’s as if her viewing happened yesterday. Little 12 year old me regretting moments and not wanting to see her in that coffin. I had no choice but to be strong. Dad was drunk and couldn’t get his shit together. Nay was down the room in her coffin, cold and lifeless. I remember saying my final goodbyes and I love yous….
That place gives me the chills and I have no idea how I’m going to feel when I walk through those doors later today. Part of me doesn’t want to go in due to all the memories it brings, the pain. And then there’s another part is telling me to suck it up because your best friend needs you right now.
So I guess that’s what I’ll have to do. Suck it up and be strong for her.
God doesn’t want us to be happy, he wants us to be strong. Last thing I told Rochelle this morning before I had to go to work.
You know those days where you’re at work and there’s nothing to do. There are no phone calls, e-mails to reply to or paperwork to type up. All there is to do is a whole bunch of nothing.
Unfortunately, today would have to be one of those days.
I keep refreshing the e-mail to see if anything new comes up. Nada.